Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pitching a Tent an Idea

Like most malcontents, my dream is to be independently wealthy, but until my ship comes in, I may turn to that oft maligned Ship of the Desert to jumpstart my millions ...

Is camel milk the Viagra of the desert? It appears so in the arid Indian state of Rajasthan, where thousands of men have been clamouring to get their hands on the milk after
an 88-year-old man who fathered a child several weeks ago attributed his virility to the drink, the Times of India newspaper reported Tuesday.

Wow - how simple! And how hard can it be to milk a camel?
Consider how auspicious the signs are:

) I love camels (second only to cats and just slightly ahead of donkeys),
2) I love the idea of ineffable wealth,
3) Morocco is chockful of men obsessed with their netherbits,
4) Morocco is
chockful of camels.

Really, it's a simple mathematical equation: camels + crotch-grabbing men = early retirement for me.
All I have to do is draft a business plan and present it to the broadminded & free-thinking folks at the Société Générale Morocaine de Banques. With less than 24 hours before my return to Morocco, I don't have too much time. But then again, if Paul McCartney can "receive" the melody for the most covered song in music history in a dream, with my razor-sharp business acumen, I should have few worries indeed. So instead of hiding my untouched Royal Air Maroc vegetarian dinner (a.k.a. the pea-a-palooza/mystery veg mélange) in my paper dinner napkin, I'll jot down (assuming I can bring my gel pen on board the plane) a few thoughts concerning:

1) Competitive Analysis
Well, there is no competition. I’d be #1. I’d be the Starbucks of camel milk but a whole lot less insidious and evil. And a small camel milk would be called "small", not "grande". See? - I'm less evil already.

2) Budget
How much can a few thousand camels cost? Over the years, Mr. Cat in Rabat has be
en offered hundreds upon hundreds of camels for me, and I have lots & lots of female friends & cousins so no, financing should not be a problem.

3) A Marketing Plan
Hmmmm … how do I bring together millions of Moroccan men eager to display their virility and an indigenous resource flowing with the milk of human hardness? - easy! I'll tell one solitary man in any given café on Follow the Leader and,
by nightfall, word will have spread throughout the city. The rest of the country will be lining up by week's end. Besides, it's not like I don't already see spent packages of Viagra littered on the streets of Rabat. Gosh, I have a built-in target demographic.

According to a very reliable source, Viagra was developed in Morocco - more than a coincidence? I think not! Yup, just pitch my plans and, with the help of Cat in Rabat's All Natural Virility Serum with 100% Camel Extracts, erectily-challenged Moroccan men will be pitching tents from desert to city to seacoast. And think of the filthy heaps of cash I'll rake in!

One vendor, Samran Singh, told the paper he now charges 40 rupees (eight cents US) a litre, up from 20 rupees (four cents) a few weeks ago.

Now I'm told (thanks Squindia) that 40 rupees is actually 80 US cents, so that's like ten whole dirhams a litre. In no time, my dear friends in Fez
will be selling me one of their jaw-droppingly gorgeous restored riads. In fact, I'll be so famous that they'll be giving a riad to me just for the free publicity. If prices of camel juice continue to rise, at this rate, one litre will soon fetch 20 dirhams! That’s like 1/4 of a cup of coffee! Did I mention that camels can produce 5 litres of milk a day? Ca-ching!

I am giddy with anticipation. I mean, if this isn't a sign From Above
I don't know what is; its timely appearance a reminder that my Aladdin's cave of camel milk & cash is awaiting my imminent return. But first I have to focus & pull up my sleeves; no doubt, competition will be soon become stiff - but with a little hard work, I should be able to rise to the occasion.

Addendum: I have just been advised by Squindia (and being in Bangalore, she should know these things) that

40 rupees is actually 80 US cents so you see, I'm richer already. I haven't even done anything yet! This just keeps getting bigger & bigger!

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