Saturday, May 29, 2010

An Open Letter to the People of Erbil

Dear People of Erbil,

Although we haven't officially met, my name is Celeste and I am a Border Collie. That's me on the left. Yes, it´s not a terribly flattering photo because it's been kind of hot lately, and I get a bit dopey when the temperature soars. Normally, I'm quite fetching, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

I was adopted exactly one month ago today by the Human-Bitch who usually writes on this blog and her Mate. They both have rather stupid names, but they feed me regularly, scratch my belly, let me sleep in their bed, and don't get cross when I routinely redecorate the upstairs with rolls of toilet paper, so I try not to be too judgmental. Not e
veryone can have a name like Celeste (which means 'heavenly').

It is a beautiful name, isn't it?

Now, her Mate takes me out for two walks every single day, which brings me to the point of this letter. Most of you people don´t seem to like me. Let me be categorical about this: I am a very nice dog. Yes, it's true that I was trained by a bunch of burly South Africans as an MDD/EDD (Mine Detection Dog/Explosive
Detection Dog) - this is Iraq, after all - but I never got to see any action since the security situation here is improving. Improving so much that most of us MDD/EDDs are being sent to the US or South Africa, or to some nifty farm for older, unwanted dogs. That's where I was supposed to go until the Human-Bitch and her Mate took me home with them. Everyone says that I should be very grateful to them. Whatever. Aren't I pretty?

Now, some of you may have heard that I failed bomb-sniffing school, but that's just a rumour started by that bitch of a German Shepherd two kennels down from mine. German Shepherds think they're sooooo superior. In fact, Border Collies are considered THE Most intelligent dog in the whole wide world (including Iraq), with German Shepherds coming in at #3. Three!!! Why I don't have a certificate from my bomb-sniffing school escapes logic. It must be a clerical error of some kind.

Anyhoo, I enjoy my walks around town. I try not to get frustrated by the fact that there aren't many sidew
alks and what sidewalks there are are usually blocked by parked cars or generators. I certainly enjoy meeting all the chickens which run loose in the neighbourhood although I don't think the feeling is mutual. I don't know why that is. Same with the cats. Go figure.

But it's you humans that's got me really rattled - and as a trained MDD/EDD (
certificate forthcoming, I'm sure), I don't get rattled easily. I've overheard my Human-Bitch and her Mate talk about this: maybe it's because of Islam. The prophet is said to have muttered some rather nasty things about us, like if it weren't for the fact that we are all God's creatures, we should be killed (especially the black ones!), and that angels never enter a house where a dog lives. In the end, he made a concession that dogs that are used for hunting or protection can be 'tolerated'. Well, isn't that me - even if I am mostly black?

Another theory - because the neighbourhood where I now live has a large Christian rather than Muslim community - is that maybe here in Iraq, people associate dogs with war and violence. Soldiers are often seen with menacing guard dogs (like that bitch of a German Shepherd two kennels down from mine), and this area has seen its fair share of war. The few cars which are given permission to drive onto airport property must get the green light from bomb- and drug-sniffing dogs. *Sigh* ... that should have been my job. I love the cheery optimism so often seen in travellers. I'd be awesome greeting passengers and sniffing the undercarriages of cars for explosives!

But I digress.


I'm told that there's a lot of rabies here, so maybe that's a factor. I was very well cared for when I was with the South Africans - in fact, I probably got better medical attention than a lot of you people here. And besides, I'm on a leash. A pretty red leash. Do you really think the Human-Bitch and her Mate would be taking a rabid dog for a walk? I think not. Do you see foam spewing out of my mouth? I think not.

Whatever the reason, all I know is that when her Mate takes me for a walk, people act weird around me. There are some nice ones who whistle at me and pet me. And a few kids who scream DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG!DOG! but I don't think they mean any harm (although their shrill little voices make my ears hurt a bit). And then there was that one lady who pointed me out to her little boy and called me a donkey but I really think she meant doggie. That was okay. It's just that the majority aren't very nice. They - and I mean the adults - literally shout and jump out of the way as if I'm going to bite them, infect them, or pollute them by my presence. Some children actually scream and run away. Many many times mothers will grab at their youngsters on the sidewalk and pull them into doorways, shielding them from me with their bodies. What am I? - the bubonic plague with paws and a tail?

As a result, we've had to modify my walkies: we go to areas now where there aren't many people, but that makes me sad because I'm a very sociable dog. I just want you, People of Erbil, to know that dogs (me especially) are kind, and that if we're on leashes, we're probably not going to make you sick, and that if I stick my nose a little too close to you, it's only because I really like to be scratched there. Or maybe I just smell a bomb under your baggie pants and vest.

xox
o

Cel
este the Dog

6 comments:

Snowflake said...

Hi Celeste,
It's so very nice to meet you. My name is Frisco and I am possibly the sweetest dog that ever lived. That's a picture of me (sort of) that my mom (Snowflake) uses. I live in Houston and I thought I might want to visit you in Erbil some day but now I don't think I do so much. Say hello to Grey Bear from me and Them.

Anonymous said...

congrats on the new addition! rufus jake is supposedly part border collie as well.

~S~

This Cat's Abroad said...

Nice to meet you Frisco. Are you involved with anyone at the moment? I can be very discreet, and, of course, I *am* neutered.

kate said...

Dear Celeste Wow! I love your story and it made me feel grateful for my life here in Catalunya where I can be left outside a shop to wait for the Missus and noone bats an eyelid. I have two half sisters who are border collies but I haven't met them yet - they live in the UK - life of Reilly with fields and all that....I am a Springer Spaniel and I don't know where I am on the list of intelligence but I am very high on the 'kind to children' one. Maybe top? Good luck and I hope your neighbours get to know you better. Duna X

Cath said...

We live in a "ethnically diverse" area of the city, and it hasn't escaped my notice that when I walk Daisy past parents shuffling their kids to school, some of them regard her with a panic reserved for smallpox. I realize there's no point in trying to assure them she's friendly. These folks, by and large, are of Persian or North African descent, and clearly look at dogs the same way we would look at a jackal or wolverine. Daisy tries not to take it personally, and advises Celeste to do the same.

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