A Brief Account of the Pining Pachyderm

A Valentine's Day Tale

Draw near gentle reader - gentle lovelorn reader - on this, the day of Saint Valentine, the most lugubrious day of your year, and listen to the edifying tale of Petita the Pining Pachyderm. Heed my words and hearken unto them that you may find succour and draw strength from them on this most cruel of days.

Cast your eyes upon the likeness of Petita the Elephant - denizen of the zoo of Benidorm, a no great distance. Is she not fair of countenance? Yet hers is a melancholy tale, for Petita has been most unfortunate in love and now a spinster, remains pure and chaste. It pains me, gentle reader, to admit that she has been repeatedly rejected - and once most sorely attacked - by her would-be suitors for "failing to meet their aesthetic standards."

Rogues! Vile creatures! Is not the pale moon envious of her feminine charms?

Forsaken and alone, she sought relief from Kaioso, an elephant of the gentler sex who became Petita's fierce protectress. Through Kaioso's gentle and continuous ministrations, Petita, ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards her new confidant, began to recover from the grievous wrongs perpetrated upon her.

Yet three days ago - still in the dark days of winter - as the fulsome winds began to blow from the Musselman's land in the Orient, Cupid's dart succeeded in finding its target and pierced the skin of Luca, a dashing 5 ton gentleman-elephant with an income of at least £10,000 a year. Luca, intoxicated by Cupid's sweet poison, neither spurned nor assaulted his new lady-love, and has begun to court the comely Petita.

Let us pray, gentle reader, that Luca's intentions and ardour will remain constant and true.

Gentle reader - gentle lovelorn reader - take heart on this, the day of Saint Valentine, the most lugubrious day of your year. Look to Petita for your inspiration. You are but an arrow away from true love.