Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hostal Thoughts

 id=Tick tick tick ... twenty-four hours and Señor Gato Gringo and I will be checking out of the Bates Motel the Hostal Campana. I confess that I will hardly miss its nefarious cucarochas. Nor will I weep hot tears of regret at no longer being able to hear the hoards of Russians the hotel seems to attract - Russians whose idea of being quiet must start when the lids of their coffins are nailed into place because it certainly doesn't begin at 12:00, 1:00, or 2:00.

I will not lose sleep at being denied access to its restaurant's cuisine: a hearty fare of meat appetizers, meat as a first course, and meat as a second. Although their desserts appear to be meat-free, this is the country where 'lard cookies' are a delicacy so I make no assumptions. I briefly considered cramming a suggestion into the hotel's suggestion box - of serving breakfast before 8:00 when most people (or more importantly me) are astir rather than after - but for the fact that there is no suggestion box and the breakfast would probably be meat with a plate of meat on the side. And a glass of freshly squeezed meat juice.

But the most vivid image I will take with me of the Bates Motel the Hostal Campana will be the nicotine-stained sign affixed to the back of the door which reminds its unlucky guests that smoking is prohibited - not in the room - but in bed. If I were the Bates Motel's Hostal Campana's management - or the town's fire chief - I might chew over the possibility of upping the campaign against smoking, considering the number of cigarette burns on:

1) the bedspread
2) the bedsheets
3) the pillowcase
4) the drapes
5) the walls
and my favourite ....
6) the shower curtain (inside and out)

At least in Room 101 306. In fact, it would not be an exaggeration to say that our hotel room appears to be suffering from a rather nasty & virulent case of ringworm. Pretty much the only thing missing are visible signs that a previous guest had spontaneously combusted during his or her stay - although that might explain some rather curious marks in the bathtub.

The only thing not afflicted with cigarette burns are the cockroaches and that's not for lack of trying on my part. So it's tick tick tick until hasta luego, or 'sta luego, or 'ta luego, or 'a luego or just 'luego to the Bates Motel Hostal Compana!


Di Mackey said...

Yuck! Sorry but all the little 'ews' turned into this huge 'yuck' by the end of this post.

Sounds heinous.

Cath said...

You should write those travel brochures.

Me and my camera said...

That was a fun read!

La Gatita Gringa said...

Tanx, it was a *fun* stay.