This is Still Turkey Baby!

Because this is Turkey and because Mr. This Cat's (Not) Abroad and I have accrued the karmic debt that we have, our internet signal has gone up in smoke. Yes, we woke up yesterday morning and poof! - our five days of blissful, unlimited and cheap internet was no more.

This is especially annoying because not spending every waking hour of our day and every single lira in our pockets at Starbucks had become a bit of a priority for us. And we were just getting used to checking our email and surfing the net in the comfort of our pyjamas. Starbucks frowns on that. We asked.

But alas, it is with a heavy heart and a Caffè Misto in hand and a free but inferior wifi signal that I admit that our having an internet signal was clearly not Allah's will. At first I thought Starbucks was conspiring against us in some way - surely they have lost a crapload of money since our internet was connected at home - but I realise now that it can only be Allah. Allah not at his most merciful. Or compassionate for that matter.

In truth, Allah and I got off to a very shaky start several years ago during our sojourn in Morocco. In fact, I wouldn't be exaggerating when I say that he and I didn't see eye to eye on anything a number of issues. But since we've been in Turkey, I've felt that, although we still don't see eye to eye on anything a number of issues, we've reached a rapprochement of sorts. I would add that all advances in our relationship have pretty much been on my part. How, you ask?

Since I've been here, I haven't complained once at being woken up at 5 a.m. for the morning call to prayer. This may not seem like much but since I can seldom fall asleep once woken up, this truly is a phenomenal concession on my part. I have also stopped curbed making snarky comments about niqab-ensconced Covered Women and only rarely occasionally call them crows. I have even gone so far as to admire the architecture of the mosques in my neighbourhood. And because Ramadan is still months away, I have been uninspired to bitch about sensitively silent on that topic.

But these great strides of mine have gotten me nowhere. Allah has taken away our internet signal and I don't know why. What more does he want? What must I do? And what do I have to do to get someone at Turk Telekom to answer their help line?

What do I have to do to get my internet back? - she screams types madly. And where is my freaking carrot cake?